DAY 043 -- "Facing Away From Me"

I can’t remember where I first heard it, (maybe I said it, but I don’t think I’m that witty), but it stuck with me:

“I’m not hungry. All I wanted was a cup of coffee and a fork.”

So, when I saw an opportunity to report one of my favorite jokes visually, I tried. There’s something about that sentiment that suits me right down to my hospital slipper-socks. Yes, it’s just plain funny, but it’s also how I’ve tried to move through cancer:

The right nourishment? The wrong utensil. The right game? The wrong ball. The right vehicle? The wrong map.

The right map? The wrong directions.

Woosh! We could keep going and wring that metaphor dry, which any nurse-humorist is wont to do, but you’ve suffered enough with it.

Instead, I could write about how my body-healing is progressing (my brain remains to be seen), but these two pics will do it better. If I was in my nursing element charting on myself, I’d be recording the:

--- size of granulating surface area and the beefy wound bed

--- slough and epithelial appearances (staging the wound)

--- length, breadth and depth of wound

--- status of wound edges

--- type and amount of drainage

--- signs and/or symptoms of infection

--- odor

--- reported level of pain

--- patient’s favorite cruising songs

(okay, okay …  just checking to see if I’ve lost anyone).

As a patient, however, when I look at these comparative photos, I don’t see centimeters and exudate, Wong-Baker faces or proliferative phases, but rather a hot-diggety damn, a yahoo, an ain’t-that-a-pisser, and a guarded but firm woohoo! with a yippee! in reserve.

Now, I’ve saved the last for the best, a photo to represent hope and healing and (dare I say it) even the possibility of one day returning to life as a life, not an experiment. A field of bountiful sunflowers bright and full, but facing away from me into the sun.

That will do just fine as my new theme music, for now.

More as we go, El