Sunday, February 17, 2019

DAY 061 -- "Fella Or Stella"

I’m back from brain irradiation.

It was close to a replay of the rad treatments I had to my chest/lung tumor. Two of the original Radionettes were there  (See Day Three), and two had moved on to other afterglow pursuits. I was again offered a choice of music to be played during the session, but this time I opted out.

I thought of requesting “If I Only Had A Brain,” but I didn’t want to add sublime to the sublime.

No, for some reason, this time I wanted the pure deal: unfettered, no distractions, no place to file my fear, no easy-out refocuses. Nothing but me and the slow-revolving click-humming appendages of the linear accelerator.

Nothing but me being escorted around the maze-gate hallway corners into the chamber (feeling like a dead man balking), then up on the table, the Radionettes milling around me, gatching my knees, clamping my head down, the bright targeting pinpoint lighting, the multi-leaf collimator and the slow-rolling arms of the isocentric gantry as I underwent the fractionated stereotactic radiotherapy to my right cerebellum.

Strapped, wrapped, mapped, tapped and zapped.

Now, here I am. Next day. At breakfast with Diane:

Diane: I have rhyming names for your brain tumor: either Cerebellar Fella, or Cerebellar Stella, if it's a girl.
Me: Uh ... but, how will I know if it's male or female?
Diane: Same way you know if I'm male or female.
Me: Bacon with your eggs this morning?
Diane: Exactly.

In two months, we’ll have another MRI look and see if Fella or Stella died for my country. Meanwhile, we’ll be starting another round of immuno- AND chemotherapy, with concurrent infusions every three weeks times four of Keytruda, Carboplatin and Pemetrexed.

It must be obvious to you that I’ve been blessed with a brilliant metaphor for a cancer baseball season with my personal shortstop Tinker Keytruda flipping it to second base Evers Carboplatin throwing a strike over to first base Chance Pemetrexed on defense.

Looks like I’ll have to play offense a while longer.

More as we go, El

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