tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77557900392538609502024-03-13T13:18:14.050-04:00MY CANCER DOMAINB. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-28847754716569803012019-09-15T17:57:00.000-04:002019-09-15T17:57:24.290-04:00Day 074 -- This Time You Have<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">This day’s entry should be the longest, the most intricate, the most telling of everything we’ve been through to this point, but it might
serve us better as the simplest … the most raw.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A day in the emergency room after coughing up a strange
mucus plug, then some hunks of bloody lung junk for a while (we could go with “hemoptysis”
but we’re doing simple and raw).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">At the ER via a rather urgent trip with Diane driving us
there in my big boy honkin’ truck (not designed for a driver of her small stature,
but she wrenches it around just fine).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">At the ER, the bleeding stopped and the shortness of breath
eased up.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then, after the CT scan and x-ray:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A lesion is now “eroding” an area on my windpipe.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">There is more cancer in my liver and lungs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">At the end, we spoke with a gaggle of huddling Docs on the
way forward:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Looks like chemo is no longer an effective treatment.
Palliative care from here on out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, my
sledgehammer moment, when I pressed my oncologist on a “rough” best estimate of
me and my cancer’s timeline.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Months.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I will go to radiation oncology next week to see if XRT
(x-ray therapy) can help my airway.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Finally, as we began on <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2018/07/day-one-arrival-of-rad-chemo.html" target="_blank">Day 001</a> at the outset of this
narrative:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">POW.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A simple, raw and fitting place to move on, as I would like
this to see the light of book publication while the light inside these hands
still shines.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I can think of no greater end than a note from my daughter,
who met us at the ER today.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XYfoX1wrnfQ/XX6vxGE49YI/AAAAAAAAC_I/_uX5v_0owdI7fvAXn5gNhtbxko-6id0_ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/ErinChildDance1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1477" data-original-width="1040" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XYfoX1wrnfQ/XX6vxGE49YI/AAAAAAAAC_I/_uX5v_0owdI7fvAXn5gNhtbxko-6id0_ACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/ErinChildDance1.JPG" width="225" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We’ll leave this as we’ve gone, with her brave and loving
words:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dear Dad:<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Hard day today, and you handled it well.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I am completely distraught at the thought of losing you. I
love sitting next to you, talking to you, I love being your daughter. You've
given me so many gifts as my Dad. You have lived a tremendously interesting,
inspired, badass life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">You have some time left. What I want for you now is for you
to do the things you want to do, go on adventures, sit and be still, have
conversations, eat your favorite foods.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">DO WHAT YOU WANT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>THIS
IS YOUR TIME.</span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nr79MKiQd-E/XX6x8r9XEzI/AAAAAAAAC_U/1jqygxXrKDshIcHeDEUIoedoK2W4gpi-ACLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/rorylog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="628" data-original-width="623" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nr79MKiQd-E/XX6x8r9XEzI/AAAAAAAAC_U/1jqygxXrKDshIcHeDEUIoedoK2W4gpi-ACLcBGAsYHQ/s200/rorylog.jpg" width="198" /></a></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I want to spend some of it with you. Also, I have a few
requests if you can manage it. I want signed copies of all your books, and I’d
love for you to make videos or voice recordings of you talking to me, to Rory,
and all our children too, if you want. I always want to be able to see you, to
hear your voice, for the rest of my life.</span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I love you so much. Let me be a part of this time you
have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have so many happy memories with
you, let's make a few more.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I love you, Erin</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-22150090599949023772019-09-06T19:30:00.000-04:002019-09-06T19:30:58.264-04:00Day 073 -- From The Top Up<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">This all has to end somewhere, and because
we know where all endings end, I’ll begin to end this one with another
beginning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">Much has happened in these last two week’s
worth of todays:</span></div>
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<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">If we add some forehead-slapping intrigue
to insult, my blood tests confirmed Lyme Disease. When I came home from the
hospital with the news, there was a deer standing by the fake rock under the backyard </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">crab apple</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> tree, and I had a mad flash image that Bambi had it in for me
personally.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I had LD a few years ago. After I’d found
the embedded tick, the telltale classic bulls-eye bruise followed and there
was only a </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">minimal</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> fallout of symptoms. A quick regimen of antibiotics, and it
was gone and gone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">This time around, I never found a tick, but
a red blotch appeared on my mid-back, and when more advanced waylays moved in
(see <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/08/day-072-get-on-with-it.html" target="_blank">Day Seventy-Two</a>), everything went on hold until I was restored to all my
normal subnormals.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">Two weeks and a course of Doxycyline later,
I’m fairly clear of them, and today we restarted chemo.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">It was administered via my new central IV
port, also installed since our last outing. For the record, it lies under the
skin and just ABOVE the wings of my Pegasus (<a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/07/day-071-under-my-wings.html" target="_blank">Day Seventy-One</a>). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">To calm
any storm in a port, I was heavily sedated, the port was implanted perfectly,
and my IV blood draws, infusions and contrast mediums are now one simple cinch
of a pinch.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">One stick. No bruises. No misses. No
errors.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">Today we began Docetaxel (why does that
make me feel like a self-experimenting mad Incan scientist?)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">The most common side effects are what
happens when you put all the vowels and consonants in the English language together
in a dozen random orders:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">--- Stiff rotations, joint rashes, facial
palpitations, irregular inflammations, swollen nausea, hot chills, cold fevers,
shortness of mind, rapid emotions, sleep paralysis, and the tinsmith forgot to
give me a heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">(See what I did there? Trouble is, at this
point in my cancer road and sky trip, the signs & symptoms are becoming
more mix n’ match.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">My favorite? At the top of the list, says
the Doc, it’s likely that I’ll go skinhead again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">The first time this happened, my hair came
back wavy and dirty grey. This time, I may opt to keep it bald. At least I might
outsmart Bambi from the top up and the back down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-no-proof: yes;">More as we’ve gone, El<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-52120129496453622912019-08-15T16:03:00.000-04:002019-08-16T00:45:29.358-04:00DAY 072 -- "Get ON With It!"<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Triage.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Simple definition?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“The assignment of degrees of urgency.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The core of my professional life in medicine
has always been thus; it’s the crux of my work in the nursing biz.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UwqBkHZ79tQ/XVW2GnIbmjI/AAAAAAAAC9s/79gr-N8qTWImlyUtUEWiFEWprVeailJWwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG950510b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1460" data-original-width="1410" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UwqBkHZ79tQ/XVW2GnIbmjI/AAAAAAAAC9s/79gr-N8qTWImlyUtUEWiFEWprVeailJWwCLcBGAs/s320/IMG950510b.jpg" width="309" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Triage.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Where should I start, where should I end,
and how can I do the least amount of harm along the way.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today, as a cancer patient, it’s moved from
crux to credo.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Recent degrees of urgencies:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Constant pain in my right side, bad enough
to send me to the emergency room. After the mandatory (necessary or not, but
always done) ECG, then a CT scan of the offending flank.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Bad news from the scan, and now the hit
single at the top of my reverse-order billboard: spots/shadows on my liver that
weren’t there a few weeks ago. My oncologist arrived to discuss it. Not a good
doctor-face.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Some of my pain could be from constipation,
along with the fresh tumors. And, because of these “inoperable” liver urgencies,
we’ll probably not radiate the lung/lymph node, and will instead shift to other
courses of chemo drugs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I felt like a fisherman who’d run out
of his favorite doughball bait, and would have to settle for dead worms.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Fast forward a few days running in place (easy,
if you’ve ever hit the brake and accelerator simultaneously):</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IY8UkWdv75w/XVW2UMV9tLI/AAAAAAAAC9w/YwE9zcp8WrA7zFq7bY4PVaiR5dYv7XqsACLcBGAs/s1600/20190809_105840b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="910" data-original-width="1422" height="203" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IY8UkWdv75w/XVW2UMV9tLI/AAAAAAAAC9w/YwE9zcp8WrA7zFq7bY4PVaiR5dYv7XqsACLcBGAs/s320/20190809_105840b.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Back to the hospital lab after calling-in
my signs & symptoms to the Doc: a low-grade fever, concentrated urine, increasing
fatigue, muscle weakness, some shortness of breath. He said to come in and drop
off blood and urine. The pee came easy; the blood took a few sticks. (We had to
postpone the IV port earlier due to some other little urgencies, so the repeated
probings and pokings go on.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I received a phone call an
hour after leaving the lab: please return to the emergency room for blood
cultures, more x-rays, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and a transfusion.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Well, hell, why not.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">How about a brainectomy while we’re at it. And,
let’s throw in an awfulplasty and a fuckinostomy to be on the safe side.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, I’m discouraged. I don’t like shifting
gears on a horse of a different color in the mid-stream of a mixed metaphor.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Dammit. Before today, I’d thought I’d known
where I wasn’t going; now I don’t, and my timetable is yesterday’s no-news.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">One transfusion and a few more reassigned
and revamped urgencies later, I went home to hang up a new mental triage game board,
the kind that I hope will accommodate doughball darts. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(Point of order: my computer's spellchecker wants to keep correcting "urgencies" to "insurgencies." Smart computer.)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Next week, when we get the latest MRI results
of my brain tumor, along with the CT scans and new x-rays of my lung and liver
tumors, the docs and I will have to switch chemo baits again and move my bull’s-eye.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aLf_l3fLNIw/XVW2kcMQJeI/AAAAAAAAC98/sQ10--HxQd4wgOCfaFfdpRb6fYbZ9BMaACLcBGAs/s1600/20190814_131703b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="977" data-original-width="781" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aLf_l3fLNIw/XVW2kcMQJeI/AAAAAAAAC98/sQ10--HxQd4wgOCfaFfdpRb6fYbZ9BMaACLcBGAs/s320/20190814_131703b.jpg" width="255" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My top takeaway from all this: “A
compromised immune system can mask symptoms.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Great. Now I’ll also need some new disguises.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Right now (for the Monty Pythoners among us), I’m Graham Chapman’s Colonel, interrupting myself in this increasingly improbable
skit, pronouncing me and these fracturing metaphors as “Too silly! Get ON
with it!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-80223850347162508232019-07-25T11:58:00.000-04:002019-07-25T11:58:40.561-04:00DAY 071 -- "Under My Wings"<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Before chemo infusion today came the three-month
follow-up look-see at my upper innards.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EOTpO-LhGeI/XTnLbMalCxI/AAAAAAAAC8Q/ghuvZPau1e0KJpwsBUi1NCpjg8HjIaYigCLcBGAs/s1600/20190722_103319b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="966" data-original-width="1022" height="302" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EOTpO-LhGeI/XTnLbMalCxI/AAAAAAAAC8Q/ghuvZPau1e0KJpwsBUi1NCpjg8HjIaYigCLcBGAs/s320/20190722_103319b.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Whenever my oncology Doc wheels out these before
and after tumor comparison studies, I feel like an anti-advertisement for quack
medicine wrinkle cream:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, folks, there it is:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Before treatment? This big.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">After treatment? Bigger.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, as we found in the pre-findings on <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/07/day-070-radiant-new-garden-plot.html" target="_blank">Day Seventy</a>, there are no NEW spots in there, so we’re at least keeping it localized
for now. Doc points at the screen to the trained-eye visible nuance of change
in the tumor; I pretend that I see it. Sometimes, progress is when the horizon
moves closer as I sit still.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes … what we see and what we want to
see is a quiet tantrum in the background.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The chemo drug side effects are more of a nuisance
and more tolerable now, perhaps because they’re less mysterious. I’m a friend with
fatigue, a buddy to my bowels & bruises, an ally with my appetite, and mentor
to my moods.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The latter have become pesky, as my emotions don’t always listen to my advice. They’ve trusted me up ‘til now, but
they’ve become quirky, sometimes raring up when they should rest, and going dark
when they should be bright-eyed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It’s become the main event in my counseling
sessions.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, I’m being unfairly sidetracked by chemically-induced
interlopers who make up their own rules. My job? Change the playing
field.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-H8mXwR4cKU0/XTnNKnSVbcI/AAAAAAAAC8c/bWc2bX6hCfwCUIwxwgA1OouayueEoUMFwCLcBGAs/s1600/20190722_111145b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1492" data-original-width="1363" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-H8mXwR4cKU0/XTnNKnSVbcI/AAAAAAAAC8c/bWc2bX6hCfwCUIwxwgA1OouayueEoUMFwCLcBGAs/s200/20190722_111145b.jpg" width="182" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Next up? Looks like more radiation
treatments in the offing, and we’re having another MRI look at my
brain tumor in two weeks, just to see if it’s remaining a miniature sleeping
giant as my lung keeps center stage.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’m also getting a power injectable IV port
because of these repeated failed and/or difficult IV sticks. For the infusions,
blood draws and contrast mediums needed, it’s time for a handy one-size-fits-all
site, into a vein in my chest below the collarbone, near my one and only tattoo.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9uqWDIOMBzo/XTnNUeGxZMI/AAAAAAAAC8g/-D7OohuWo0kSDusl7l9CheNfE_GZqivvwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_6480.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="428" data-original-width="340" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9uqWDIOMBzo/XTnNUeGxZMI/AAAAAAAAC8g/-D7OohuWo0kSDusl7l9CheNfE_GZqivvwCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_6480.jpg" width="254" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">It will be inserted next week, and I’m
hoping they can place it in the fading Pegasus.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Just under my wings.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-29293372510948730322019-07-18T11:25:00.000-04:002019-07-28T07:01:00.888-04:00DAY 070 -- "A Radiant New Garden Plot"<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-I5w6KjkXez8/XTCEk1nxKHI/AAAAAAAAC70/A4J0p1C2ij8EdVRY1a8d6DPwq2HRrUeAACEwYBhgL/s1600/20190715_110653b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="663" data-original-width="757" height="175" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-I5w6KjkXez8/XTCEk1nxKHI/AAAAAAAAC70/A4J0p1C2ij8EdVRY1a8d6DPwq2HRrUeAACEwYBhgL/s200/20190715_110653b.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today, I’m going with a few simple language
quotes on my lung tumor follow-up CT scan results. No
flowery phrases. Let’s get right into the weeds:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The preliminary results were delivered via
phone message recording from my oncologist Doc (I was out in the garden when he
called).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mixed results. Some roses, some buckthorn:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "symbol";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">“Not a whole lot of change.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">“Still a large
lymph node, but slightly larger.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">“No new spots.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">“Results sent to
radiation oncologist.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Diane later spoke with him, and he whacked the weeds down
a bit:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">There hadn’t been a big difference in my lymph node cancer site since the last scan, and though it had increased slightly in size, there was
no apparent NEW growth in the garden (metastasis anywhere else). He is getting a consult from radiation Doc, who administered my first round of treatments that began on <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2018/07/day-two-not-gonna-let-em-catch-me-now.html" target="_blank">DayTwo.</a><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Seems like only a million perennial gardens ago.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I can’t remember who said it, but I was
once told that “a flower garden should undulate, not march.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’ve tried to live my life that way,
though I’ve been known to rigidly walk in lockstep when I should’ve romped,
pinwheel with abandon when steady pacing was called for, or follow the leader
when taking the point was the better part of valor.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today, yes, I’m taking a moment to stop,
smell the weeds and pick a few flowers.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4VipFBso7VA/XTCEzYw7_4I/AAAAAAAAC7w/DvB-Ad1c0nQEzpVpQpoUvwcOSXH3r95EQCLcBGAs/s1600/156345677630624903b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="476" data-original-width="476" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4VipFBso7VA/XTCEzYw7_4I/AAAAAAAAC7w/DvB-Ad1c0nQEzpVpQpoUvwcOSXH3r95EQCLcBGAs/s320/156345677630624903b.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Along with the chemotherapy, a targeted one-shot radiation treatment
might also help to plant and cultivate because of how my tumor
is now presenting.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I choose to think of it as an
anti-fertilizer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It just might keep me marching along in open field formation, but still undulating in my own closed yard cadence.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Next week, another round of chemo … and designing
a radiant new garden plot.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-58420577404535151962019-07-01T22:23:00.000-04:002019-07-02T07:08:07.691-04:00DAY 069 --"Hippocratic Magic"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes, when it’s me, it’s me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It’s not someone else’s negligence. It’s
not the neighbor’s pranking kid. It’s not a falling anvil. It’s not the notion of
an act of God (and notions are about as far as I ever get with Godly notions of
wispy divine interventions).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">No, sometimes, I just screw up. This wasn’t
a big boner, but when she saw the bloody dressing from my chemo treatment today,
it did bother the bejeebers out of Diane. “You could have exsanguinated! That’s
not funny!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I attempted a classic soothe: “Oooh, I love
it when you talk bigly, but you know I’m a good clotter.” (True, lately my
blood counts, especially what I call the blue values of my reds & whites have been on the low & high sides, and we should honorably mention my daily
home blood thinner belly injections. Any bleed needs a little extra attention).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then, my bridge-too-far personality took hold,
and despite me I had to add: “And, whoosh, honey, it could’ve bled through the new
Harley jacket. Oh, the horror! I checked my sleeve, though. All okay!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">She surrendered with a classic eye-roll, knowing
that I was incapable right then of seriously taking her seriously taking me
serious serious (I know … clunky, but grammatically correct.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And, just as an inkblot whatzit away, when
I look at it I see a red puppy chasing an oversized hairy egg. Diane sees a moose
backing up. Neither helps this case either way.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">Since my last chemo, I’ve had some outboarding
innards with a little too much wake; some tidal fatigue, a few sidebar
headaches, but otherwise I and my daily pursuits (and evasions) have been
largely unreportable as being driven by anything cancer-ly. I’ve passed the
days and nights as part of the minor majority.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today at chemo infusion, my oncologist instructs
and informs:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">--Down-tweak daily prednisone dose.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">--Status quo everything else.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">--Repeat CT scan of my lung tumor in ten days.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">--Up-tweak chemo doses at next
treatment<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">--For the lab rats, my fucking magnesium is
1.6. mg/dl.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">--For me, I’ll never again use “status quo”
as a verb.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I did press him today about THE issue: where
is my Stage IV cancer and where am I in it? He recoiled invisibly. I saw it,
because I’ve done decades of nursing care for terminally ill patients and I’m
old friends with what isn’t seen or heard at beginnings and endings.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I asked him all the lethal questions that all Docs
don’t want to answer and patients don’t want to ask. I know. It was unfair all
around:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Unfair to him, because Hippocratic magic is
always cloudy. Unfair to myself, because my need-to-know brain lately has been
pounding the ground of my worried heart.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">He’s a good doctor. He answered through the
clouds.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’m a good patient. I listened in the earth.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> El</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-80870375567856492672019-06-10T20:46:00.000-04:002019-06-10T21:15:00.607-04:00DAY 068 -- "Bantu The Sailor Man"<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xik0TUJ8KJo/XP7wT_v-_bI/AAAAAAAAC5w/8UuzEkGm7FEnrdjwZTFUUoTshDxgBMBMgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_6308.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xik0TUJ8KJo/XP7wT_v-_bI/AAAAAAAAC5w/8UuzEkGm7FEnrdjwZTFUUoTshDxgBMBMgCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_6308.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ta-Da! (just because life needs more “ta-da’s!”
these days).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Returned to chemotherapy today, and we did
resume the regimen with a couple of med dose changes (as we’ve discussed, doc
is playing it conservatively, onco-walking the I&I tightrope
(Immunosupression or Infection), and my side-effected innards are almost back to normally outwards.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Some of my lab numbers are low, some high,
but we needn’t get specific, unless you’re med-geek driven by hard data. For
those amongst you who simply must know, let’s take my basophils, one of the
several types of white blood cells we all have.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">My basophils count today is 0.0 (it should
register between one percent and two</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"> percent of my WBC (white
blood count), coming in at zero to 0.3 cubic millimeters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Basophils too low? Higher risk of infections.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Too high? Lower immune power.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">That’s the I&I highwire: my always
walking and sitting two-tiered pyramid.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QbmHHlAeSt4/XP7xDEZOnsI/AAAAAAAAC54/iibm91LpBuUcUDSRWvlbylarqlsnYGnXACLcBGAs/s1600/20190610_120951b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1071" height="305" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QbmHHlAeSt4/XP7xDEZOnsI/AAAAAAAAC54/iibm91LpBuUcUDSRWvlbylarqlsnYGnXACLcBGAs/s320/20190610_120951b.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">One backstroke bug in the soup today, as my
IV insertion site blew (it happens) and the site infiltrated quickly. The fluid
went off into the tissues, and because I was distracted at the time, wracking
my brain for the five-letter answer to my </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">ever-present</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> infusion unit crossword puzzle, the clue for “Zulu language group,” I didn’t notice my arm until it looked like
half a topside Popeye.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">But, strong to the finich, and without the
spinach, I recovered. Hot packs were applied, and a new site, opposite arm (four attempts and three nurses later), was inserted. Pre-meds and chemo drugs finished running-in successfully, and before I left the unit (for the crossword geeks who I’m sure were one hand
and arm ahead of me here), “Bantu” popped in my head and I finished the puzzle.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tY5U3KrDAlQ/XP7xqLwTtiI/AAAAAAAAC6A/MJEGoyieopIKg0VINrr427DKCJb_0DA4wCLcBGAs/s1600/20190610_122611.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tY5U3KrDAlQ/XP7xqLwTtiI/AAAAAAAAC6A/MJEGoyieopIKg0VINrr427DKCJb_0DA4wCLcBGAs/s320/20190610_122611.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I took the rap for the arm bomb. I’m guilty
of not drinking enough overall (more important when cancer and cancer
treatments are in the big mix), thus my blood plumbing isn’t as optimal as it
might be.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">BUT, we’re back in the treatment groove, balancing
in the air.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">I biffs ‘em and
buffs ‘em<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">and always out roughs
‘em<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">and none of ‘em
gets nowhere<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">… I’m Bantu the
Sailor Man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">More as we go,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"> El</span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-1371856593183026072019-06-05T16:10:00.000-04:002019-06-05T16:10:33.112-04:00DAY 067 -- "Watching The Door"<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m6FAb_ImT4k/XPgabZ-ihvI/AAAAAAAAC4w/JoZi9JH7YwAkjWgNlLAUuTUgPjMVhou8gCLcBGAs/s1600/20190524_115811bc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1519" data-original-width="1374" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m6FAb_ImT4k/XPgabZ-ihvI/AAAAAAAAC4w/JoZi9JH7YwAkjWgNlLAUuTUgPjMVhou8gCLcBGAs/s320/20190524_115811bc.jpg" width="289" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Now comes the next day, a few weeks later . . . . <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">You’ve adjusted to my timeline by now, realizing some time ago
how we will compress or expand the timeclock and calendar in this cancer
chronologue. Sometimes, we even move laterally; let’s just call that “pacing
ourselves.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’ve learned, and am still learning in this life, that
rigidity and attempting to always make everything a proper, snug and sequential
fit will lead to constant disappointment, frustration, and ultimate madness.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Eventually, if we hold on too long to unyielding willfulness,
if we leave no room to flex and embrace success AND failure, we’ll live to find
ourselves stuffing sugar packets into bras and wearing two left laceless
sneakers (taken from the miles I’ve spent pushing med carts down nursing home
hallways.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If you go along here suspecting that today was more than a
yesterday or two late and/or out of synch? Let go of it. I have. The facts re-form
to fit without compromising the tale.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Since our last outing on <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/05/day-066-in-bendy-place.html" target="_blank">Day Sixty-Six</a>, this has been such a
sidewise pacing.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hAidKj44rNQ/XPgcavQ5E4I/AAAAAAAAC48/cJe3caLpbpEe-0ekMDOHPfI13A39Jio-gCLcBGAs/s1600/20190528_094733b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1072" data-original-width="1072" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hAidKj44rNQ/XPgcavQ5E4I/AAAAAAAAC48/cJe3caLpbpEe-0ekMDOHPfI13A39Jio-gCLcBGAs/s200/20190528_094733b.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Due to a change in my bowel functions (an immunodrug side-effect)
that has been particularly nagging and disruptive, the Doc has held further
chemotherapy treatments, though I’ve kept my infusion appointments to check
labs, vitals, receive some supplemental IV hydrations and another dose of Remicade,
a TNF (tumor necrosis factor) blocker which is used to treat everything from psoriasis
to colitis.</span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vU_biDzP1Ec/XPgcvFlR6eI/AAAAAAAAC5E/tA9oRh5JwPoQqPQ5XhaJ00JG2Fy-FkYsQCLcBGAs/s1600/20190524_130211.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vU_biDzP1Ec/XPgcvFlR6eI/AAAAAAAAC5E/tA9oRh5JwPoQqPQ5XhaJ00JG2Fy-FkYsQCLcBGAs/s320/20190524_130211.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">In my case, it was nearly miraculous in bringing me back from the
brink (<a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/04/day-064-helium-fill-ups.html" target="_blank">Day Sixty-Four</a>), and it’s not unusual to need follow-up treatments with
same.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’ve responded slowly, however, and today, we’re still not
quite there. If you’d prefer TMI metaphorical over medicinal, let’s just say
that my bowels are still acting like a cat not quite through licking the bowl. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, the Doc is pleased with my labs, and I left the
infusion unit today with tweaks to my steroid and antibiotic doses. There’s a
delicate balance with the dynamics of immunosuppression and infection risks, so
Doc moves with targeted caution.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We plan to resume my chemo regimen for the lung tumor next
week. On my way out, I was served a plate of sugary blueberry cake, compliments
of a fellow infusee “graduating” from his treatment today.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">That cake may lead to harder stuff, but I risked it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The latest MRI brain scan result showed no change there, and
both my oncologists chimed “we’ll take that any day,” but my lung tumor had
shown some small degree of shift/growth.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jUtBE4nTsIE/XPgdIWjg-LI/AAAAAAAAC5M/dhvJffsuOWgQktdWKG1lKKi2uJNF3XRbQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_6234.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jUtBE4nTsIE/XPgdIWjg-LI/AAAAAAAAC5M/dhvJffsuOWgQktdWKG1lKKi2uJNF3XRbQCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_6234.JPG" width="240" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">That made me feel like the trip down inside the elevator,
watching the door: the light-muted surface showed only my blurred reflection,
hardly recognizable, but it opened enough to deliver me for the next time in
the right place.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-41388592009292682782019-05-07T21:36:00.000-04:002019-05-08T05:43:45.715-04:00DAY 066 -- "In The Bendy Place"<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A return to the road to forever and
a day today: back to my IV infusions, resuming an amended chemotherapy regimen, now minus the immunotherapy drug Keytruda (see <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/04/day-065-all-my-petals.html" target="_blank">Day Sixty-Five</a>). </span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">On this leg of
my relay race with me, we’re passing the healing baton to Carboplatin, Pemetrexed
and countless social media well-wishes, prayers, attaboys and pagan dances.</span></div>
<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kEXtfUmP-J0/XNIroeq4rrI/AAAAAAAAC3Y/hmwP-P3oMrgc7vPc4QdPnZSwQXnBK5TRACLcBGAs/s1600/20190507_123100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="1536" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kEXtfUmP-J0/XNIroeq4rrI/AAAAAAAAC3Y/hmwP-P3oMrgc7vPc4QdPnZSwQXnBK5TRACLcBGAs/s400/20190507_123100.jpg" width="400" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today I felt like a medi-pop upright bass player student intruder at the A Cappella Academy For Unwritten Notes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Question:</span></u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> as a seriocomic aside, whoinhell NAMES these drugs? <u>Answer:</u>
the drug companies who make them, of course, and they are “reluctant to share
their strategies,” on how this is done.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Fact is, they pay big bucks to very
smart consulting folks who are part wordsmiths, part sorcerers and part Dr.
Frankensteins, to come up with them. It’s no accident that a drug name hits you
subliminally and often just plain hard-headedly, by tapping into images and
emotions the carefully chosen suffixes and prefixes provoke.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">They use everything for these
name-naming assignments as resources, from thesauruses to country kitchen
recipe books.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-29ij4yGKcdk/XNIvNK2uObI/AAAAAAAAC3k/oFGmjuq_pFEqrXErG_IueBFbqgB985bFQCLcBGAs/s1600/20190507_113713b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="880" data-original-width="880" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-29ij4yGKcdk/XNIvNK2uObI/AAAAAAAAC3k/oFGmjuq_pFEqrXErG_IueBFbqgB985bFQCLcBGAs/s200/20190507_113713b.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Examples? “Flovent,” a respiratory
(air) drug. Bring anything to mind, like “Flow” and “Ventilate”? Simple but
genius, rolling off the tongue into your lungs and pocketbook.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Or, how about “Lopressor," a drug
for hypertension. Again, brilliant simplicity. If your brain doesn’t hear “low
pressure” when it sees that name, then you’ve never been squeezed by a sphygmomanometer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Or, “Almotriptan” (a real drug used
to treat migraines). You know it without knowing it: You <b><i>almo</i></b>st got a <b><i>tan</i>
</b>on your last <b><i>trip</i></b>, if you’d only taken your anti-headache pill Almotriptan.
(Okay, I’ll stop).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-P99PRYUMiac/XNIqomH38nI/AAAAAAAAC3I/8bviQuYjb9IouN6rLSP39a_8lo0sc9oKQCLcBGAs/s1600/20190507_112553.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-P99PRYUMiac/XNIqomH38nI/AAAAAAAAC3I/8bviQuYjb9IouN6rLSP39a_8lo0sc9oKQCLcBGAs/s320/20190507_112553.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Meanwhile, back at my perception of reality:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Difficult venipunctures today,
looking for a vein that didn’t roll or “blow.” The first four “little stings”
did (we used to call them “little pricks” in the nursing biz but political
correctness nipped that in its budness.).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">They moved the insertion sites
around, palpated, eyeballed, until the nurse settled on the antecubital space
of my dominant upper right extremity (crook of my right arm in the bendy place).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">See the trouble we get into if we
get too far in medical-ese? Better to simplify, simplify again, and then
oversimplify. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Doc says: My labs again “look great,”
some flirting with too-highs and/or too-lows, including one the Doc expected,
like my elevated but not yet alarming CRP (C-Reactive Protein).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 8.0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">An elevated CRP in the blood is “a
marker for inflammation.” In my case, pointing to leftovers from my recent bout
with “immune-mediated colitis,” still stalling in the wings, which almost did
me in, surprising everyone but me when it didn’t. (See <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/04/day-064-helium-fill-ups.html" target="_blank">Day Sixty-Four</a>).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">This is one that will be monitored closely,
along with any of the routine complete blood count levels that could indicate
an infection and/or other somatic red flags as we go along.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Infusions completed, I left the unit
feeling fairly fine, armed with new med order tweaks: alternate/titrate my
steroids, continue with antibiotics, my home self-anticoagulant injections . … and then …<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I went down one floor to Radiology
for my lung CT scan. This image will be a comparative study on the change, if
any, in that tumor since my last scan and through this delayed treatment
regimen.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Results?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">You’ll have to wait, as will I,
results pending for Day Sixty-Seven, when we’ll also review the findings of the
follow-up MRI for my brain tumor, due next week. Lots to know what we don’t know,
and enough for now.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Let’s see, if those two scans were
new drugs, I’d call them:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Vumorinit and Nomorinitatal.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(See what I did there?) View more in
it? No more in it at all!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, Elflexital.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-71532508382613936542019-04-24T14:51:00.000-04:002019-04-24T14:51:26.028-04:00DAY 065 -- "All My Petals"<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SmwxRpVDXZE/XMCn2jOCP5I/AAAAAAAAC14/K1tE7-cY_B0-ECggjOM0mabLuSACMQeZQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5292.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="442" data-original-width="373" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SmwxRpVDXZE/XMCn2jOCP5I/AAAAAAAAC14/K1tE7-cY_B0-ECggjOM0mabLuSACMQeZQCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_5292.jpg" width="270" /></a><br />
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</w:wrap></v:imagedata></v:shape><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A return to the road to forever
today, two weeks after Day Sixty-Four and my all-in, almost-out flirtation with
testing my expiration date.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">After a month’s absence, it was back
to the chemo- and immunotherapy infusion unit (is it possible to already have nostalgia
for the room full of semi-comfy recliners, IV poles & pumps, springy tray
tables and the mini-fridge always stocked with those good no-name puddings?). I
discover that I’ve missed my sessions there, like finding peace in an
anti-refuge of great and small expectations.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</w:wrap></v:imagedata></v:shape><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And, of course, the staff who treat
me like a regular: that same-time next-time barroom patron whose time and
tastes are established enough to have his “usual” space and drink reserved and still
frosty-full at unhappy hour.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, today they also surprised me
with a strawberry cake and a wonderfully discordant rendering of Happy Birthday,
its tempo and unisons way off as they always are, but big smiles in lined-up scrubs
harmony.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then, blood draws for labs … and the
sit-down with oncologist doc that I’ve had some fret over:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">-- Reaffirmed Stage 4 cancer, tumor
statuses unknown until follow-up scans. (We’ll leave the prognosis for now in
one of those generic pudding cups.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">-- Plan to resume chemotherapy
therapy regimen after I’m backed off the steroids and antibiotics in the next
two weeks, but this time without the Keytruda that was quite possibly the
precipitant villain of my intestinal near glory hole revolution. Sorry,
Merck. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bKLMVQ-ZjPE/XMCsdQu6vMI/AAAAAAAAC2U/AfVFyVnrFk828fmRlTSbOxXejDx_pOsDgCLcBGAs/s1600/harleyboy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="507" data-original-width="648" height="249" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bKLMVQ-ZjPE/XMCsdQu6vMI/AAAAAAAAC2U/AfVFyVnrFk828fmRlTSbOxXejDx_pOsDgCLcBGAs/s320/harleyboy.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">-- As we talked, lab results came
back, and they “look great.” We also reviewed my last two weeks post-discharge
at home: bowels returning to normal, appetite improving, extremity muscles
reconditioning, mindset optimizing and Harley daydreaming resuming.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">-- For the record, they’re calling
it (Day Sixty-Four) “immune-mediated colitis.” Doc tells me that folks in my
cancer stage boat suffer this “about ten percent” of the time. I’m calling that
hospital stay my temporary membership with the liquid minority (for gut-driven
reasons we needn’t belabor), and much as I love statistics, I hate statistics.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jkHxEf1mEng/XMCon_yfM-I/AAAAAAAAC2I/7ahA2lxZKc8qsl17H3gFz0c3W39BWs1mACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5181.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="363" data-original-width="433" height="268" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jkHxEf1mEng/XMCon_yfM-I/AAAAAAAAC2I/7ahA2lxZKc8qsl17H3gFz0c3W39BWs1mACLcBGAs/s320/IMG_5181.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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</w:wrap></span></v:imagedata></v:shape><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, I did leave today resolved for now to at least keep my one thriving and well-watered hurry on spring bloom-in-the-bunch
status and get on with it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Next birthday, however, I’d like to
re-join the solid majority and have all my mettle in all my petals.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span></span></div>
<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wL_miveZiOY/Wzlth88gsmI/AAAAAAAACCY/zgVq3gEXEyYk3v8J5t-LWhEacG83lym-ACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="257" data-original-width="295" height="174" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wL_miveZiOY/Wzlth88gsmI/AAAAAAAACCY/zgVq3gEXEyYk3v8J5t-LWhEacG83lym-ACPcBGAYYCw/s200/0001.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-492435820055788642019-04-14T21:38:00.000-04:002019-04-15T13:06:58.795-04:00DAY 064 -- "Helium Fill-Ups"<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-46ljxQpcnpY/XLPXORQX-VI/AAAAAAAACzU/XblV2gI92AISdeNDxpMs7n2_POGgPj39wCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0096.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-46ljxQpcnpY/XLPXORQX-VI/AAAAAAAACzU/XblV2gI92AISdeNDxpMs7n2_POGgPj39wCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_0096.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">What a difference an eternity makes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(My mental health therapist has suggested that I’m prone to
hyperbole, but she tends to paint my musings with a million mile-wide horsehair
brush.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Surprised? Therapist, you say? Did you think I was
neglecting my utilitarian brain cell cancer labors all this time at the expense
of its mystic fruits? Yes, I confess: I’ve had regular couch composure
maintenance since my introduction to Rad Chemo.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’ll leave how you and I feel (about what we think of how we
think about what we feel) to the philosophers and the guy who rotates my tires:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“If you don’t do ‘em, you’ll be out of balance,” says my rubber
side-down wise man Dudley.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I accept this with more depth, timing and metaphor than
Dudley the tire guy could ever appreciate. But, it’s not important that he does,
because if I tried to tell him how unwittingly street-smart, he was, he’d only puff
up and start insisting on helium fill-ups.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">He’d plead that it would be a good thing my pressure would
be less effected by my temperature, but I couldn’t take the profundity of that,
and for ten bucks a tire I’d only yearn for a return to flat or inflated
distinctions, body and truck.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Since Day Sixty-Three there were intense redirects, beginning
with an ER admission in crisis. Two weeks in the ICU, a host of frontal
assaults from all directions (nurses will get that) and twenty-seven pounds
less of me later, we’re back to the complex basics. I was sick enough that my
cancer treatment regimen had to be held, but we’ll be returning to it soon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">What happened? When someone asks, I ask them if they want
the two-word or the two million-word version. A squirm and wink or two later, I
respond with something that sounds a lot like:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8OXMvQKCly8/XLPX09zrtkI/AAAAAAAACzc/9AnicTHra4EgN764ooq7phY2PijwBagDACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0120.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8OXMvQKCly8/XLPX09zrtkI/AAAAAAAACzc/9AnicTHra4EgN764ooq7phY2PijwBagDACLcBGAs/s320/IMG_0120.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I had an intense viral upheaval in my nether region, above
and below its equator. I couldn’t stop pooping liquid, and pees came in surprise
fits and stops; I couldn’t stop not-eating but I couldn’t taste what I didn’t
not eat; I vomited like most of us breathe in and breathe out without a blueprint;
I had waves (feelings, not thoughts) of seven-legged arachnids side-stitching up
my back and inside my liver (thoughts, not feelings).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IT-DnIzOeJE/XLPZoId8WWI/AAAAAAAACzw/poX6vEhs8zEKasjnKp7nwFb_dtaPlPc_wCLcBGAs/s1600/20190404_155542b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="1536" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IT-DnIzOeJE/XLPZoId8WWI/AAAAAAAACzw/poX6vEhs8zEKasjnKp7nwFb_dtaPlPc_wCLcBGAs/s200/20190404_155542b.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Jerky limbs, artsy-fartsy bruise-etchings, pop-up lesions,
blocked nasal passages turning my words into Foghorn Leghorn mumblefests, and
when I did manage a swallow, it was like pushing sandpaper around a golf ball with
lettuce leaves.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Balloon animal bouts of nausea.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Lead balloon animal joint pains.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sweatless fevers. Moist chills.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2m5E0gOA4RI/XLPaW-JD3qI/AAAAAAAACz8/xNCx1NH8SuA_H4sR74rURIpgkh0O8kDIQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0137b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1333" data-original-width="1001" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2m5E0gOA4RI/XLPaW-JD3qI/AAAAAAAACz8/xNCx1NH8SuA_H4sR74rURIpgkh0O8kDIQCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_0137b.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Never asleep long enough to reach REM.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Ever-present? My gaggle of docs making rounds, working the
problem lists, all options open, seeking consensus in places where generalities
and specifics are always mixing it up in spoiled rotten sandbox wars.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, I survived, I’m now home, and my “normal” bodily
functions are returning like rolling eggs imitating your college kids on a
maxed-out spring break.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">One more bonus sidebar thought just for fun and a well-earned
reader’s respite:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Up to here, how much have I repeated myself in this diary? <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aVjk4my8fZA/XLPeH_VGMgI/AAAAAAAAC0g/hEqMcv9yGlUYFpuDEbcAgidGmLF8jQvRgCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_0133b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="920" data-original-width="920" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aVjk4my8fZA/XLPeH_VGMgI/AAAAAAAAC0g/hEqMcv9yGlUYFpuDEbcAgidGmLF8jQvRgCEwYBhgL/s200/IMG_0133b.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-looMkWNAy_8/XLPeCRAvsEI/AAAAAAAAC0U/Dm7xlu3a3h8dR07ClRb83TUGbUkr0ND1ACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_0133c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="880" data-original-width="880" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-looMkWNAy_8/XLPeCRAvsEI/AAAAAAAAC0U/Dm7xlu3a3h8dR07ClRb83TUGbUkr0ND1ACLcBGAs/s200/IMG_0133c.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Did Charles Dickens ever have to stop, go back to an earlier
draft because he couldn’t remember if he’d given Tiny Tim one or two crutches?
Did he ever need to retreat and confirm whether he’d given Mrs. Giniwin a first
name, and if not, why not?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Do I want to do that now to both of us? Return and physically
check for all the inconsistencies or incompletions or self-plagiarizing repetitions I may have forced
upon you up to this point? Had I already been inspired and recorded how my cancer
is the great equalizer of lofty blah? Or the final fool’s arbiter of blah blah?
Or the ultimate gutter leveler of blah blah blah?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Hell, no I don’t. Let’s go with a broken butter churn handle
crutch, call her Dudleybelle, and get on with getting off it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-33919231289775454562019-03-08T12:29:00.000-05:002019-03-08T18:57:25.689-05:00DAY 063 -- "One Woman's Cat"<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sucsj8CGuVs/XIKcLFUks3I/AAAAAAAACxI/gYoXh1qA_WQk-OQTbw3XBSgfNwdo6IqtQCEwYBhgL/s1600/DianeComet03072019b2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="669" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sucsj8CGuVs/XIKcLFUks3I/AAAAAAAACxI/gYoXh1qA_WQk-OQTbw3XBSgfNwdo6IqtQCEwYBhgL/s320/DianeComet03072019b2.jpg" width="286" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I now have a wife who has both a husband and a cat with cancer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’ve noticed that she shows her affections using the same words and
gestures one way with her sick cat Comet, and different ways with me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Wait. That’s not true. They are the same differences.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Every life story has (or should have) animal elements, preferably
where simple visuals define all of that story’s easiest and hardest of times.
Like this one with Diane.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Or, this one: another cat reclining on the front porch:
contemplative, reconciled, lying outside a normal door used for this life’s normal
comings and goings.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TXU7vkLtDws/XIKcSiO2HyI/AAAAAAAACxU/nGPhUz1S9Gg0a1zc3W08mKUgn-ZAjJO8QCEwYBhgL/s1600/CatThomas1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TXU7vkLtDws/XIKcSiO2HyI/AAAAAAAACxU/nGPhUz1S9Gg0a1zc3W08mKUgn-ZAjJO8QCEwYBhgL/s320/CatThomas1.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, handy
nearby, there’s also an urgent, makeshift abnormal door clawed and pushed
through a screen, for use when that easy, formal normal door just won’t
suffice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It’s a
portal that now lets the good in and out along with the bad (more on this soon).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Plan A. Plan
B. Done.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(Dog people
may substitute their comparable pooch pics here)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Follow-up today at the infusion unit for first bloodwork
since my last first new chemo treatment (see <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/02/day-062-yummy-bennies.html" target="_blank">Day Sixty-Two</a>). <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">After chasing my dehydrated rolling vein for a puncture or
two, we got a successful draw. Then, it was wait for results and a visit with my
reviewing oncologist.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eDnukTMXtrA/XIKehg8JMnI/AAAAAAAACxc/eh9_Kroz4Cw2YN4NKIJcFAp6Sc57AbbGQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5211b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eDnukTMXtrA/XIKehg8JMnI/AAAAAAAACxc/eh9_Kroz4Cw2YN4NKIJcFAp6Sc57AbbGQCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_5211b.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Time to pass the time with crosswords, practicing my
what-me-worry look, and checking my must-say list. As a nurse, I’ve always advised
my patients to make a list of questions, concerns, dirty jokes to tell the
visiting docs, because too often we’ll forget and remember too late what we
wanted to ask them, especially if we’re in high-stakes medical mode (See <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2018/11/day-051-earth-moved-its-moon-to-mars.html" target="_blank">Day Fifty-One</a>).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">As a patient, I do try to listen to myself and today I’ve
written a short list:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">--- I’ve lost a few pounds in the days since <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/02/day-062-yummy-bennies.html" target="_blank">Day Sixty-Two</a>.
Food has returned to tasting like boiled cardboard, blunting my appetite. You
already know what that spiraling, descending circle of diminishing returns means, so
let’s try to keep it down.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">--- I had one entertaining episode of nausea/vomiting on the
third day after my infuse-o-rama. (If you need more description than that,
revisit <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2018/07/day-009-yelling-at-ants.html" target="_blank">Day Nine</a>.) I restarted the anti-nausea med, and it's kept my innards in
line. If I heed the signs, I can see me coming and head me off at the preemptive med
pass.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, the problem is getting stomach and brain to buddy-up
when nausea/vomiting is lurking, even if I can control it. The brain still becomes
an anti-hero and pulls the stomach away from the table.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We may not live by bread alone, but every road trip meal
welcomes a traveling companion for some destinations, even if it is a hitchhiker
with no gas money (I know you expect me to strain a metaphor on occasion. You’re
welcome.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wo4jKoWacS0/XIKcPBTpkUI/AAAAAAAACxI/3hdn-T1KYIQr5crZ_hSCfycFfnZ5IqqhgCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_5212.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wo4jKoWacS0/XIKcPBTpkUI/AAAAAAAACxI/3hdn-T1KYIQr5crZ_hSCfycFfnZ5IqqhgCEwYBhgL/s320/IMG_5212.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">--- For a few days after <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/02/day-062-yummy-bennies.html" target="_blank">Day Sixty-Two</a>, my rashes and
itching subsided drastically, but they’re returning. Itch, scratch, open sore,
rinse, lather, repeat.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">--- My “trigger finger” fingers also disappeared for a few
days after treatment, but they’re back as well.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Oncology Doc arrived with the lab results. I read him my
list, and we met minds on the interventions: med for nausea, ointments and
anti-itch med for skin, and postpone my decision for now on whether or not my
claw-fingers will interfere with Harley throttling, clutching and braking.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We then went over the numbers. No terrible news, but one
noteworthy (and expected) change:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“You’re a bit neutropenic,” he points blankly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Oh, Doc, you say the sweetest things.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, he speaks this way to me knowing my vocational background and the knowledge-is-humor-is-power guy thing I have going on. We’re both at our ease with
doctor/nursey-talk. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">My neutrophil count is low. Neutrophils are white blood
cells. They’re essential in helping to fight infection. The drugs I’m taking fight
my cancer but also weaken my defenses. This irony is a bittersweet theme with
cancer and cancer treatment, and in fact is found everywhere in medicine and
its screen door folklore:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It has to
taste bad to be good.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vaEIwFOAX24/XIKcYiMavmI/AAAAAAAACxQ/8igqDU-sdm06g8n6B68JzKvqztm-7PjqACEwYBhgL/s1600/CometPerch1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vaEIwFOAX24/XIKcYiMavmI/AAAAAAAACxQ/8igqDU-sdm06g8n6B68JzKvqztm-7PjqACEwYBhgL/s400/CometPerch1.jpg" width="300" /></a><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The cure is
worse than the disease.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">One woman’s
cat is another man’s cat.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-47915952475865646082019-02-25T21:15:00.001-05:002019-03-08T11:36:23.155-05:00DAY 062 -- "Yummy Bennies"<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ln1mVyr3hOg/XHSVtSGDuQI/AAAAAAAACvI/gwka7YJ6etEFFbs2zXH0HnFxQCkGe3zdwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5177b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Ln1mVyr3hOg/XHSVtSGDuQI/AAAAAAAACvI/gwka7YJ6etEFFbs2zXH0HnFxQCkGe3zdwCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_5177b.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I really didn’t mean to begin this with a pic of me wearing
a conforming tubular stretch dressing on my head, but part of my job is to get you
to laugh at my expense.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The “Spandage” is meant to be applied on an upper or lower
extremity to make dressing changes easier and more comfortable for the patient.
I maintain, for the sake of a cheap laugh, that my head is also an extremity,
and today I had a comfy head deficit.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">Diane laughed and my nurses became even more convinced that I'm a little weird (mission accomplished). She told me that I
looked “like a life-sized adult Kewpie Doll, with loosely on the adult." No
debate.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Back to the infusion suite today. Isn’t that a lovely moniker?
Sounds like hospitals could and should also have Pediatric Penthouses and in my
case, Chemo Crashpads).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today’s news: My recent lower region CT scan showed nothing,
and with apologies and homage to a favorite film’s fictional Lucas Jackson: "sometimes <b><i>nothing</i></b>
is a real Cool Hand." (If you’re a movie buff, you’ll know.) So …<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><u>The good news:</u> my original lung tumor is “a bit better” and there’s
no other apparent spread to my southern body biospheres.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><u>The bad news:</u> there’s a “slight increase in my mediastinal
lymph node.” The doc also told me there was some “consolidation therapeutic effect” resulting from these past weeks of immunotherapy infusions with Imfinzi. I asked
him what that meant in simple English, and before he could answer, I pre-interrupted
him: “Oh, so it helped beat my tumor like chicken soup helps beat a cold?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Something like that,” he conceded.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">In medicalese, if you insist: Imfinzi -- still very much
a whole antibody drug used less than two years in the field -- is the current drug of choice for people
who meet a fairly strict cancer criteria and treatment, like mine. So, no harm done, and only
marginal healing in the works, but still worth the ride, with perhaps even
long-term rewards yet unknown.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today, we began a new treatment regimen. It will consist of
an infusion course every three weeks for three months (sounds like high-end sweet dessert dining: “And for the infusion course, we have a chocolate chemo-ganache tart,
or an immuno-orange cake.”).</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xfRf_nDH4S0/XHSYbpHiKwI/AAAAAAAACvc/mmSBPyy29KIvOGGQNWijwercJcwYBwZuwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5170b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="478" data-original-width="560" height="273" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xfRf_nDH4S0/XHSYbpHiKwI/AAAAAAAACvc/mmSBPyy29KIvOGGQNWijwercJcwYBwZuwCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_5170b.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Today, intravenously, in one sitting, I received seven drugs
in five classes: an anti-itcher, two anti-emetics, an anti-inflammatory, two
chemos and one immuno.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">You demand to know names? I know there are word puzzle people out
there reading between those hands, so let’s save time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’m home now, my bloodstream packed with a hefty intravenous
shot of:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">dexamethasoneodansetrondiphenhydramine</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">pemetrexedcarboplatinpembrolizumabfosaprepitant,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> with a Cyanocobalamin chaser.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(If I didn’t lose you with that one, my dear reader, you have
more curiosity grit than your host).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Before I left my Chemo Crashpad, a new patient entered with
his caregiver. She was carrying sugar cookies made by <a href="https://www.customcakesbyamanda.com/" target="_blank">Cakes By Amanda</a> in Barre, Massachusetts, for the staff and patients. I promised her friend a pastry plug.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xAES6D4yS2s/XIJZvbvHgGI/AAAAAAAACwk/it1dqYIxWbk8A8aW4nVviBbWcD5SZ1f0ACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5169.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xAES6D4yS2s/XIJZvbvHgGI/AAAAAAAACwk/it1dqYIxWbk8A8aW4nVviBbWcD5SZ1f0ACLcBGAs/s320/IMG_5169.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">Not only were they clever, funny and Caduceus-friendly, they
were sweet eats.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes, cancer has yummy bennies. Thanks, Amanda.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NtBRKPqbUHQ/WzlfZmZdDKI/AAAAAAAACBo/KhAc91hReqk08JaKF9FB-q9ePnE4n5DfACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="257" data-original-width="295" height="174" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NtBRKPqbUHQ/WzlfZmZdDKI/AAAAAAAACBo/KhAc91hReqk08JaKF9FB-q9ePnE4n5DfACPcBGAYYCw/s200/0001.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-40946536964757558442019-02-17T09:07:00.000-05:002019-02-17T09:07:29.338-05:00DAY 061 -- "Fella Or Stella"<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-56fFHjvfBLM/XGljry3s3MI/AAAAAAAACuA/PRdTFUK4w8scTgCtP3hcKiBOyKWTOv76ACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5084b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="921" data-original-width="1000" height="294" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-56fFHjvfBLM/XGljry3s3MI/AAAAAAAACuA/PRdTFUK4w8scTgCtP3hcKiBOyKWTOv76ACLcBGAs/s320/IMG_5084b.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’m back from brain irradiation. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It was close to a replay of the rad treatments I had to my
chest/lung tumor. Two of the original Radionettes were there (See <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2018/07/day-three-ive-been-in-my-mind.html" target="_blank">Day Three</a>), and two had moved on to other
afterglow pursuits. I was again offered a choice of music to be played during
the session, but this time I opted out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I thought of requesting “If I Only Had A Brain,” but I
didn’t want to add sublime to the sublime.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">No, for some reason, this time I wanted the pure deal:
unfettered, no distractions, no place to file my fear, no easy-out refocuses. Nothing
but me and the slow-revolving click-humming appendages of the linear accelerator.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</w:wrap></span></v:imagedata></v:shape><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Nothing but me being escorted around
the maze-gate hallway corners into the chamber (feeling like a dead man
balking), then up on the table, the Radionettes milling around me, gatching my
knees, clamping my head down, the bright targeting pinpoint lighting, the
multi-leaf collimator and the slow-rolling arms of the isocentric gantry as I
underwent the fractionated stereotactic radiotherapy to my right cerebellum.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HZJCURbvpUE/XGlkJfTrKmI/AAAAAAAACuI/nOZ0Js2MjKwdkDFmP1k75kbHGI6OI4n4wCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5068.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HZJCURbvpUE/XGlkJfTrKmI/AAAAAAAACuI/nOZ0Js2MjKwdkDFmP1k75kbHGI6OI4n4wCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_5068.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Strapped, wrapped, mapped, tapped and zapped.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Now, here I am. Next day. At breakfast with Diane:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Diane:</span></u></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> I have rhyming names for your brain tumor: either
Cerebellar Fella, or Cerebellar Stella, if it's a girl.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Me:</span></u></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> Uh ... but, how will I know if it's male or female?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Diane:</span></u></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> Same way you know if I'm male or female.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Me:</span></u></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> Bacon with your eggs this morning?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Diane:</span></u></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"> Exactly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">In two months, we’ll have another MRI look and see if Fella
or Stella died for my country. Meanwhile, we’ll be starting another round of
immuno- AND chemotherapy, with concurrent infusions every three weeks times
four of Keytruda, Carboplatin and Pemetrexed.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It must be obvious to you that I’ve been blessed with a
brilliant metaphor for a cancer baseball season with my personal shortstop Tinker
Keytruda flipping it to second base Evers Carboplatin throwing a strike over to
first base Chance Pemetrexed on defense.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Looks like I’ll have to play offense a while longer.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-79216948672824065612019-02-11T20:59:00.001-05:002019-02-16T06:23:53.401-05:00DAY 060 -- "Wondering Whereinhell The Half-Inch"<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; text-align: justify; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Tomorrow, we irradiate my brain.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">This week we made the head mold that will hold my head immobile. It was a lot like having a hot hockey mask stretched over my face, then being strapped into a broken kiddie ride at the carnival. It was very much like that. It was exactly like that, and I also now know what a beard depilation is.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Sorry, but I imagine this treatment as fare on the a la
carte menu at an eatery from a future century:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Yes, waiter, I’ll have the irradiated breakfast brain
special, please. Over easy, no toast, and a side of potato skins, not too
crispy.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">This will be a one-shot radiation procedure. After that, we
let my cerebellum simmer and return to a systemic attack on the leftovers in my
chest with concurrent chemo- and immunotherapy courses.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">No, I don’t know why I’m making all this one big food metaphor.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It may have something to do with how I sometimes sup at the
Michelin three-star restaurant on the avenue of what I think, and other times
pig-out at Big Skinny’s greasy spoon diner down the back alley of what I feel.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1ujAVik74sQ/XGIhxe6VpAI/AAAAAAAACsA/2kF1mMUtdYk5XtWgjg90pHHatBSM1NZoQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5081bc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="911" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1ujAVik74sQ/XGIhxe6VpAI/AAAAAAAACsA/2kF1mMUtdYk5XtWgjg90pHHatBSM1NZoQCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_5081bc.jpg" width="241" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Or, it could be because having both an enlarged cancerous
lymph node in my lung and now a pop-up tumor in my head is like … like …
walking an endless mezzanine toward an unattended, locked and understocked food
cart.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Meanwhile, as I meet with my neurosurgical oncologist or my
radiation oncologist or my Harley dealer (just checking to see if you’re still
with me), it’s clear that I am in the best hands in the business.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The Docs may all look like Doogie Howser, but they talk
Einsteinian, way beyond my practicing ken. Still, I have years of field nursing
experience, much of it in hospice and eldercare, and I’m able to dumb-up enough
to understand what’s happening to me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And --- maybe what’s more important in living with cancer
--- what <i><b>isn’t</b></i> happening.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BuvX8ErNUho/XGIiJvNwZUI/AAAAAAAACsI/sfww6jPSPzIHgaQyP1buULgWIihd8JwwQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5070b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="405" data-original-width="381" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BuvX8ErNUho/XGIiJvNwZUI/AAAAAAAACsI/sfww6jPSPzIHgaQyP1buULgWIihd8JwwQCLcBGAs/s200/IMG_5070b.jpg" width="188" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I do have fun in the waiting rooms, and had the pleasure of
being served by a wonderful soul who came by with her "harp cart,"
and applied her art/science “reverie harp” to my skull.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Perfectly-named. She will get full credit for fixing my
tumor when the day comes, along with the Rad people. Pentatonic scale,
penetrating vibrations, smooth grooves --- Ahhhh!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">In the examination rooms, I’m having fun going through the
cabinets, playing the placarded anti-superhero, or measuring myself and
wondering whereinhell the half-inch in height I’ve had all my adult life has
gone.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-z4afgz8G80U/XGIib8n13bI/AAAAAAAACsQ/poLkgd1ayAMGg-VK8-_8Ir5agXI98tfHACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5061.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="150" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-z4afgz8G80U/XGIib8n13bI/AAAAAAAACsQ/poLkgd1ayAMGg-VK8-_8Ir5agXI98tfHACLcBGAs/s200/IMG_5061.JPG" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">Is it the hospital slippers? An old-man sag in my spine? Am I
slouching? Did I have bigger hair before I lost it and it’s come back smaller?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> No. Whoever installed the wall measuring stick wasn’t
a finish carpenter. Yeah, that’s it. I’m fine and the world is all wrong.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(Tomorrow I’ll flip that sentiment, but right now it’s
getting me through today).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-33854725587229826702019-02-04T17:53:00.000-05:002019-02-16T03:07:37.643-05:00DAY 059 --"Humor My Tumor"<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It should’ve come as no surprise to me that the location of
my cancer metastasis is in my cerebellum, and on the right side, no less. Yes,
it’s visible in this scan, but let's wait for the results of this game of disconnect-the-dots before we point out where.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(If you're a brain surgeon, no fair calling out!)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The word itself, from the Latin, literally translates as “little
brain.” Perfect. I’ll be needing my big brain later for other things, should the future challenge my past to a fight.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The cerebellum was discovered and named by Leonardo da
Vinci. Some evidence suggests that he may have “borrowed” the name from Aristotle,
but I can forgive what might be a millennium-old plagiarism long enough to revel
in such celebrated company.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The problem is, there is no good rhyme for cerebellum. Don’t
bother looking it up; I searched everywhere, and the deeper I delved the further
away I got. The auto-rhymers provided nothing that matched sound and inflection exactly. The closest I came to it was “merit heaven.” (I suppose that could
come in handy later, but it’s still clunky).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It was only my writer’s license that spurred me on, but it went
downhill from there. When I got to “bare bottom” and “a gentle hum,” and my
favorite but egads “mare serum,” I gave up. I left my quest, however, feeling
rather special that a cerebellum has no exact textual doppelganger.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Makes me want to start a living cerebellum poets' society, or at least a
support group for those of us with disaffected cb’s.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The last thing, as we’re now compelled to look at this whole
thing from my pulp non-fiction angle, is giving my head-in parking rascal a moniker.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My lymph node lung tumor, as we know from our reading, has
been “Rad Chemo.” But, now this renegade hiding in my hindbrain’s discordant cranium’s
accordion creases? (If we can’t have good rhyme, we can at least abuse some
alliteration). <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I will put this to my friends and relatives on social media:
Yes. That’s it. I’ll have a “Humor My Tumor” contest. My contacts are clever and
fun and dark and devious --- just what this name-calling will need. Winner gets
… well … we’ll think of something, and let's leave my merit heaven out of it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-4594855877495119242019-01-30T05:47:00.000-05:002019-02-12T07:11:36.592-05:00DAY 058 -- "Alas, Poor Elwin!"<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">I couldn’t make this up, but if I could, I would
do it like this:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">There I was in the examination room counting
ceiling tiles and not scratching an itch, when my radiation oncologist walks in
lugging what struck me as the most infamous cranium in all of literature under
his arm. He smiled, sat down, and my first thought was:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Uh-oh
… any second he’s going to tell me that because he moonlights at the local
community theater where he’s the understudy for Hamlet, and he’s just received
an emergency casting call at the last minute to perform tonight, would I mind
if he used the time to practice his soliloquy from the graveyard scene?<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Alas, poor Elwin! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow
of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The truth, which is often much less entertaining,
was that he’d brought in his cancer patient show n’ tell anatomically-correct demo
skull, complete with detailed facsimile rubber brain innards, all
sectionalized, to show me, if I wanted to know, exactly where my right
cerebellum tumor was.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Right about there, I turned my excellent fancy
and infinite jesting back to reality and we had a stress-relieving laugh (my
stress, anyway). Then on to the main event:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Without wallowing in a bog of filler material, it
looks like we’re going to proceed with, yes, a course of stereotactic
radiosurgery. Sounds rather </span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">like a military operation, eh? “Alright,
drop your meat, grab some heat and saddle-up, sergeant! It’s time for Operation
Stereotactic Radiosurgery!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(I think Operation Hot Bot would’ve been mas macho, but I can’t compete with my own imagination.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Cool! This means next week it’s back in the
terrible tube and I get a repeat MRI, this time emphasizing more sagittal
versus axial planes. Ahem, at least I think that’s what he said. As you know from our history here, whenever I’m distracted in the grip of an Alas, Poor Elwin! mode, I will
often mis-hear things. He might’ve said chewy caramel versus chocolate centers,
but I did get the gist of it:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><u>New Plan:</u> lung tumor in the back seat for now. Brain
metastasis takes the wheel. And, they'll give me nifty new treatment anchor headgear that I’ll get to keep and bring out later at parties and airports
and Halloweens.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, this means a re-routing of things: different scheduling, applications, side effects, and a new drug that acts more
systemically than locally on my Candyland blood-borne gumdrops (oops … you see
… I’m drifting again).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-q92THFOE6Wo/XFF1PUvyTeI/AAAAAAAACqQ/K70brVEhqFw5xZ2CpNthjAh4x_CsZnxfQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_5025b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="816" data-original-width="1015" height="256" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-q92THFOE6Wo/XFF1PUvyTeI/AAAAAAAACqQ/K70brVEhqFw5xZ2CpNthjAh4x_CsZnxfQCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_5025b.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I left there today feeling like I was torn
between two elevators: one for the brain, one for the body. So, screw it; I
took the stairs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And, as if you needed more comic relief (I
always do), while waiting for the doc I spotted a jar on a
shelf across the room. From my vantage point, the label looked like it read:
“Feces.”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My logical brain (now suspect, but still mostly
intact) and my decades of nursing savvy knew that the jar did NOT contain out-in-the-open
poops, even though all the evidence, including the jar’s chunky contents, sure
looked like it did.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Can you blame me for having a moment of fearful
umbrage flirting with confused panic?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It lasted until I went over for a closer look:
The entire label read “Earpieces.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-79137506291222907252019-01-26T19:33:00.000-05:002019-01-27T08:39:55.535-05:00DAY 057 -- "Into The Brain"<div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">This week, I’ll be back at Rad Chemo Central, where you and I spent
a few weeks darkening in the light a ways back.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Now that the recent MRI of my head found a new cancer (see <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/01/day-056-one-incomplete-sentence.html" target="_blank">Day 56</a>),
we have to shift from lung to head for the moment, hoping that the new affected
lymph node in the lung treads water, or at least doesn’t sink further, as we
get into the brain.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KoB9kUv4D_4/XEz4IRVZgOI/AAAAAAAACo0/hS6t_HzqBXMSv1uekLMYEIbWV7na1G79gCLcBGAs/s1600/ElJoeJudiSelfie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="581" data-original-width="436" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KoB9kUv4D_4/XEz4IRVZgOI/AAAAAAAACo0/hS6t_HzqBXMSv1uekLMYEIbWV7na1G79gCLcBGAs/s400/ElJoeJudiSelfie.jpg" width="300" /></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, yes, yes ... we all know how surgical resections, stereotactic
radiosurgeries and fractionated radiations work (if we don’t, not to worry, we didn’t
know either until we checked), but we also can’t help getting clobbered
with answers like the following, if we’re bold enough and curious enough to stand and deliver
the questions into their line of fire:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">“Unfortunately, in most cancers, once a person develops brain
metastases, the tumor is not curable. With current treatments, patients can
live from mont---"<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></b></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Right about there is where the mind stops processing the spoken
word into sensical sounds and written text into understandable language, and
everything coming at us looks like flaming spears and sounds like screaming
meemies. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">(Yes, I had to look it up, too, just to sidetrack my brain long
enough to stop vibrating and come back to front and center. A screaming meemie
was originally a WWI artillery shell that sounded like … well … a meemie screaming. You’re welcome.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">The point is: our imaginations, when driven by anxiety and worry,
are capable of so much more than simple reality. In literature, this is what
makes great fiction.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">In real life, this is the stuff of non-fiction nightmares.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">Still, the editors and publishers of hope and optimism also have
their sub-stations in our thoughts, so if we’re lucky, we can at least tread
water (remember that dog-paddling tumor up there?) until everything gets to dry
land.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Sigh. Here I’ve gone again, abusing my writer’s license and bracing
against a pre-whirlwind of metaphor enroute to the calm before my pending brain-storm, unable to even get out of this sentence without mixing one.
I’m not apologizing.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span></span></div>
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B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-35390517572544041082019-01-15T20:48:00.001-05:002019-02-16T06:49:31.883-05:00DAY 056 -- "One Incomplete Sentence?"<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) today of my brain (or what’s
left of it after surviving decades of sex, drugs, rock n’ roll, Hula Hoops,
Richard Nixon, Silly Putty and lots of eldercare, hospice and other bedside
nursing care disciplines.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Speaking of humor, my Docs ordered the MRI after finding
those cancerous cells <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2019/01/day-055-wheres-baby-doll.html" target="_blank">(See Day 055)</a> active in my world-premiering lung lymph
node --- cells that weren’t there three months prior.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’d been through the MRI tube o’ terror before, so I was
ready going in: pre-medicated with a hefty dose of benzodiazepines, comfy sweatplay
pants, a pair of xxx-large hospital Pillow Paws booties and a johnnie gown Baby
Huey could swim in.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zuQ0kKEQxjw/XD6MbMSmW5I/AAAAAAAACn8/zjA6jtWasKwt82yqme0itzrl7q03wdLYACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_4898.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zuQ0kKEQxjw/XD6MbMSmW5I/AAAAAAAACn8/zjA6jtWasKwt82yqme0itzrl7q03wdLYACLcBGAs/s320/IMG_4898.JPG" width="240" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The MRI tech/nurses were built for comfort and speed but
also slow-going when needed, and with me today, I appreciated the crawling pace
they used helping me to get my mind right for that crawling space they knew I
dreaded.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If you’ve had one of these tests, you know the drill and you
can skip along until the text starts to feel new again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If you haven’t … well … hmmm … how to best describe getting an
MRI of the brain in one incomplete sentence?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Supine on a hard table, head in a mold, arms pillow-propped
and positioned, legs/knees blanket-gatched, heated blankets applied, earplugs
and headphones placed (one for songs, one for silencing) IV for contrast medium
inserted, and all fine until the Hannibal the Cannibal hockey mask is clamped
down over your face. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">But, luckily, because I’d already experienced the hostile arms
of the horizontal Iron Maiden once before, I’d insisted on getting my mind
right ahead of the procedure (per Dr.’s Rx, of course). I’d wanted and demanded
to be stupefied with tranquilizers. If they’d slipped me inside that raucous,
vibrating squeegee sleeve chamber without my pharmaceutical friendly fire, I would’ve
freaked out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Another fast forward (I’m assuming this is a recreational
read for you, so I’m trying to keep it moving): Forty minutes later, after a
couple of ins and outs for logistical tweaks, and several slam-banging mechanical
interval audioblasts, tolerable (doped or not) only because they were somewhat
muffled by the headphones, I was sucked out of the big plastic donut hole of
death intact.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Later, in his office for the preliminary review
of the results, my oncologist, to his great credit, managed to not suppress a
laugh when I told him my best doctor joke.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I told him right after he told me that yes, he’d
just consulted with the radiologist, and yes … <b><i>I did indeed now have cancer in
my brain.<o:p></o:p></i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">So, I caught him flat-footed and responded by asking him
before he knew how not to react, if he’d ever heard the one about the difference
between doctors & lawyers?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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“No?” He said, unsure of where it was going, and with me knowing that he’d
never heard that old chestnut.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Lawyers rob you,” I said, “but doctors rob you
and kill you, too.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">He laughed frowning, then laughed grinning. My mission accomplished. It’s my goal to be an exemplary patient.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">So, today, anti-heroes that we are, we went looking for any renegade
cancer cells which may have scaled those cellular walls, broken out of the host
prison on their own, and headed out on the lam for who knows where. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Trouble is, we found ‘em, right where we’d hoped we wouldn’t:
in one of my head’s hideouts. Yes, we’d hoped to find nothing in my head, but
hope springs. Best leave the rest of it there.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Now, I’d sure like to know who provided the getaway car.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">When we thought the cancer was only in my chest,
the course to healing was clear. Now that we’re faced with outliers, all the
treatment options must be revisited.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Surgery, radiation and chemo now will be
shuffled into spaghetti strand degrees of optimums, maximums and minimums,
tossed against the wall, and we’ll see which stick.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Of course, there’ll be a bit more applied
science than that, but I can’t resist a juicy metaphor.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then, as we’ve gone thus far, there’ll be more
as we go, El</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NtBRKPqbUHQ/WzlfZmZdDKI/AAAAAAAACBo/KhAc91hReqk08JaKF9FB-q9ePnE4n5DfACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="257" data-original-width="295" height="174" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NtBRKPqbUHQ/WzlfZmZdDKI/AAAAAAAACBo/KhAc91hReqk08JaKF9FB-q9ePnE4n5DfACPcBGAYYCw/s200/0001.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-27759430710163612832019-01-08T04:47:00.000-05:002019-02-11T17:46:12.706-05:00DAY 055 -- "Where's Baby Doll?"<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">No kidding, there I was, coming back around to consciousness
from general anesthesia after today’s post-op EBUS (Endobronchial Ultrasound)
biopsy. I am a sucker for images like this. Raw as it gets, there’s
no hiding in manipulation, and one picture is worth a thousand pictures.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jduPOTd4_d0/XDRsnfbTz4I/AAAAAAAACnA/DfK4yCnGUEUTCR8gtIXkD_CYd6PmuwM5wCLcBGAs/s1600/20190107_115543b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jduPOTd4_d0/XDRsnfbTz4I/AAAAAAAACnA/DfK4yCnGUEUTCR8gtIXkD_CYd6PmuwM5wCLcBGAs/s320/20190107_115543b.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">The thing itself was “uneventful,” as we’re fond of saying
in nursing. That means that the operating room wasn’t rocked by an earthquake
as the flexible tube went down my windpipe, I didn’t roll off the table, and
the procedure was successful, securing the biopsy needed to determine the
nature and nasty factor of an outlaw lymph node.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The results … well … here we are. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Pre-operatively, there were nurses and doctors and techies reviewing my history and prepping me for the morning’s events:
inserting IV’s, electrode stickies stuck, assuring themselves that they knew
that I knew what they were about to do, getting me down to underwear/flapping johnny and those
one-size-fits-all ribbed slippers, on with my nursing bouffant cap, dentures
out, jewelry off.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Diane sat next to me, and as usual, filled in the blanks
where my mind drew them. </span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There were many, as I was having trouble processing it
all. (The brain has a wonderful capacity for performing a magician’s
sleight-of-head under stress.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The oncologist explained everything expertly, using a great
metaphor/analogy of a tree and how its encircling bark mimicked the big doings
in my chest interior. He did this while again showing us the offending lymph
node on the computer screen, scrolling through the scan slices for a compelling
trip around my heart’s descending aortic arch, and a bunch of other cool et
ceteras.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The anesthesiologist, when she wasn’t distracting me with
the facts of what would happen under her applications, talked about her winter
power walking adventures with a like-minded Diane.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I felt quite pampered and reassured by it all.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then, off we went through the maze of hallways to the operating
room (everything’s a maze when you’re being wheeled around on your back).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Fast-forward: someone hovering behind me said “Here we go,”
and the next thing I remember is where I am in that picture up there, emerging
into a muddle head. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The nurse later told me that when I was returning to wakefulness,
I kept asking “Where’s Baby Doll?” and everyone in post-op was hoping that I
meant Diane. Ba-da-bing.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Another post-op nurse, in sworn secrecy, also said that the
first thing I slurred/blurted in my anesthetized fog was “I told you God was a
woman!” I vaguely remember a chorus of laughing female voices, but I could be
wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It’s why I became a nurse decades ago, just to embrace humor
like that.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">As for the the results? Well … preliminarily, not the best.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">“Abnormal” cells found, and after my “tumor board” meets in
the next couple days and fully evaluates the results, we’ll discuss options: revisiting
chemo, radiation, possibly surgery.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HtOjPSknBu4/XDRseezrTnI/AAAAAAAACm8/wF_Cs09POCka-_4HhcwrKurECnLmivlSACLcBGAs/s1600/Eledtaonisl1a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="492" data-original-width="492" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-HtOjPSknBu4/XDRseezrTnI/AAAAAAAACm8/wF_Cs09POCka-_4HhcwrKurECnLmivlSACLcBGAs/s320/Eledtaonisl1a.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I know what you’re thinking: should I buy season
tickets to Fenway?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(See what I did there?)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NtBRKPqbUHQ/WzlfZmZdDKI/AAAAAAAACBo/KhAc91hReqk08JaKF9FB-q9ePnE4n5DfACPcBGAYYCw/s1600/0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="257" data-original-width="295" height="174" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NtBRKPqbUHQ/WzlfZmZdDKI/AAAAAAAACBo/KhAc91hReqk08JaKF9FB-q9ePnE4n5DfACPcBGAYYCw/s200/0001.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-32937864471501659572019-01-02T20:36:00.000-05:002019-01-04T07:23:37.580-05:00DAY 054 -- "Those Certain Uncertain Biggies"<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I've now had my last
immunotherapy infusion of the calendar year. Useless and meaningless trivia,
but that’s just fine with me for now, because I’ve had enough profound, life-altering, on-your-mark-get-ready-set essential bulletins in the last few
months to last me another lifetime, which it may well have to do.</span><br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AHpvkVKRh5w/XC1Q2nt1w_I/AAAAAAAACmA/XR8lpugr2CcsdzhVDDvxXpPwG5g0DexkQCEwYBhgL/s1600/20181231_105627b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1479" data-original-width="1325" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AHpvkVKRh5w/XC1Q2nt1w_I/AAAAAAAACmA/XR8lpugr2CcsdzhVDDvxXpPwG5g0DexkQCEwYBhgL/s320/20181231_105627b.jpg" width="286" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(That’s an inside cancer
joke.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today’s treatment was uneventful:
the nurses know me and my rolling veins well enough now to never miss the
puncture, and they always give me the right chair. I must have my back against
the wall if I’m going to be sitting in public for a while. It’s the Wild Bill
Hickock Syndrome.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Maybe that will change
in this new year, as I’m more concerned with the killer in front of me than the
one coming up on me from behind. Plus, I'm playing crossword solitaire, not poker.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">(Another cancer joke,
truly awful, but my license).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">And, just incidentally,
in my nursing career I’ve always given my patients the needle on “two” during a called three-count.
“Ready? Okay, on three, ready? Now … One … TWO!” This way, the patient is in
pre-flinch mode. Less tension, less pain, less chance of missing the mark. (You
won’t find that method in any of the manuals.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9tLLG7hbL7c/XC1RU-QgDEI/AAAAAAAACmI/Fmueh9b9fKU18T_QS-Xk5ioik_RIllX8QCEwYBhgL/s1600/20181231_092942b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1073" data-original-width="1393" height="153" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9tLLG7hbL7c/XC1RU-QgDEI/AAAAAAAACmI/Fmueh9b9fKU18T_QS-Xk5ioik_RIllX8QCEwYBhgL/s200/20181231_092942b.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My oncology Doc checked
in as usual during treatment, reviewing the latest labs, checking vitals, doing
Doc stuff. At my request, he also brought up my new mystery lymph node image
<a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2018/12/day-052-usual-posted-warnings.html" target="_blank">(see Day 052)</a> on the computer to show Diane, who came along today to help hold
up my fuzzy-saggy head. I again asked the Doc, as I always do, all the doomsday
and V-Day hypotheticals.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Diane asked him, in her
best fellow research biologist-speak, “When you do the biopsy, will the analysis
be similar to the staging that was done on the subclavicular scan?”</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-txb6tSSPkf4/XC1ehnA8jpI/AAAAAAAACmQ/U37YufpoZiMq9SUUM-A6hlQAAfL8ZNQOgCLcBGAs/s1600/20181231_091023bc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1072" data-original-width="1072" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-txb6tSSPkf4/XC1ehnA8jpI/AAAAAAAACmQ/U37YufpoZiMq9SUUM-A6hlQAAfL8ZNQOgCLcBGAs/s320/20181231_091023bc.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">She is my pearl. My sheet
music. My lava flow. My sticky note. I love her. The Doc said great question,
and gave her an answer that blew by me like a comet brushes by the earth, as my
eyes shut down my ears. I’m okay with just watching the burst and receding flash
of light and letting it go.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Much as I want to know
everything about everything, I don’t have to.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, yes, I know the Doc
would rather not talk about what would happen if this happened when that
happened, should the other thing happen while the first thing is happening …
but that’s because he’s a good doctor.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Still, he also knows my mindset,
and allows my always wanting to know the “best- and worst-cases,” obliging me
the best he can. Yes, he’s concerned about the image, which is why he and his
fellow consulting Docs want to get the biopsy next week, so we can rule in or
out the goods and evils based on hard evidence.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Meanwhile, not knowing
where things stand plays absolute hell with my imagination, but isn’t that common
in all of us? Don’t we all let our minds run wild when it comes to those certain
uncertain biggies in our lives?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rM-RRNLmNVk/XC1e7V1IGlI/AAAAAAAACmY/kvL8_gxG2DESTJKgi7H53hyw_EIuJh7EACLcBGAs/s1600/20181231_091023bcd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="827" data-original-width="1057" height="156" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rM-RRNLmNVk/XC1e7V1IGlI/AAAAAAAACmY/kvL8_gxG2DESTJKgi7H53hyw_EIuJh7EACLcBGAs/s200/20181231_091023bcd.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Yes, we can and do conjure
up most anything when we labor over what might be coming next in love, sex, death and where
the fuck are the car keys.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-34299226386234257402018-12-30T12:59:00.000-05:002018-12-30T17:01:52.538-05:00The Getting Cancer Disintegrating Boogie Blues<span style="background-color: white; color: #0a0a0a; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Time out of this diary for a note-worthy flashback:</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #0a0a0a; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #0a0a0a; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I wanted to musically (and raucously) make an audio interpretation of what happened inside my head when I was told I had cancer this year.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #0a0a0a; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #0a0a0a; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">There I was, boogie-bluesing along nicely in life, la-dee-do-dah, when ... POW! I have WHAT?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #0a0a0a; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">
(Not to worry, I'm mostly back in my groove now, but my internal tunes did go off the rails for a while, and there just might be something to knowing how to play it right before you can play it wrong. I don't think Picasso could've gotten away with sticking an elbow out of an ear unless he'd first expertly placed it in the middle of an arm.) </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #0a0a0a; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #0a0a0a; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">This is also dedicated to dahlin' aerial-dancin' daughter <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJPoJpTCqwA" target="_blank">Erin Lovett Sherman</a>. When she was little, she thought I was Jerry Lee Lewis. Ah, the innocence and purity of youth. Enjoy!</span></span><br />
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5oiz0O2frKU" width="560"></iframe>
B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-54008581797438087712018-12-22T05:21:00.000-05:002019-01-08T02:47:03.833-05:00DAY 053 -- "No Floating Pea"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;">I watched the Doc sift through the slices of my innards imagery,
reviewing the results of the PET scan. When he nudged the trackball, dimensions
of my organs and all their connective circuity flowed in and out like beach
waves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-align: justify;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TI_LfJlkvl0/XB4ONFOAhxI/AAAAAAAACjc/a4PAaLv48VYHl6Nmdvix3e4ptEq8eGx2wCLcBGAs/s1600/20181217_092731b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="938" data-original-width="920" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TI_LfJlkvl0/XB4ONFOAhxI/AAAAAAAACjc/a4PAaLv48VYHl6Nmdvix3e4ptEq8eGx2wCLcBGAs/s320/20181217_092731b.jpg" width="313" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He gave me an analogy of a pea floating in soup, and because my
attention span warps when it’s stressed and in the grip of my overactive
imagination, I heard it in pieces. What did register and take hold in my head
was that it’s better to have no floating pea.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">My original tumor (soup) appeared to be pea-less. Good news, but
the appearance of this new pesky lymph node seen in my recent comparative CT
scan, remains the bugaboo. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Is it scarring? An anomaly appearing now as collateral damage from
my course of Rad/Chemo? Is it a threat? Malignant? My Doc, in consult with his
fellow oncologists, wants to get the biopsy as scheduled “to know what we’re
dealing with.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The image was ominous, a skyscape of jutting and sloping
contrasts, rows of little devils moving through weeds of thick--- oh … wait ….</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yMpf9V2Hrkw/XB33kL0XwxI/AAAAAAAACjI/6L3_kB9QiE0TPOnBajTTYCPOsK-1PxAlwCEwYBhgL/s1600/20181211_110857bc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="717" data-original-width="718" height="318" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yMpf9V2Hrkw/XB33kL0XwxI/AAAAAAAACjI/6L3_kB9QiE0TPOnBajTTYCPOsK-1PxAlwCEwYBhgL/s320/20181211_110857bc.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">That’s a picture of my inside windshield when I was going through
the car wash today. Sorry.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;">Even cancer sometimes needs a comic gotcha headbutt when you're looking the other way.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Meanwhile, back at the rest of my other whole body, he was pleased
that I’ve dropped a couple of pounds, that I’m using the new elliptical, eating
better, not quite as fatigued, and not picking at the sporadic and migrating skin
eruptions. The latter is difficult, because when I was a kid, I kept a scab collection
in a jar. It was fun looking at scraps of me flitting around in there when I
shook it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Later in boyhood, I added some dead moths for balance.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I had the same feeling today watching him scroll through my sub-layers,
though he presented them with a bit more diagnostic sophistication. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">We did review my list of side effects (from <a href="http://mycancerdomain.blogspot.com/2018/11/day-051-earth-moved-its-moon-to-mars.html" target="_blank">Day Fifty-One</a>) and he
attributed them to the illness, the treatments, aging, a thousand or so other
possible causes, and the maladaptations that can come with healing. We tweaked
my uses of lotions and potions to ameliorate, perhaps even eliminate some of
these sideshows as we continue this grand experiment.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-37eWJSq-Dbs/XB33nT6x7uI/AAAAAAAACjM/lmHHFxFDpoY7mGd4xkwxLLo4CXZElSASgCEwYBhgL/s1600/20181217_110202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="605" data-original-width="793" height="244" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-37eWJSq-Dbs/XB33nT6x7uI/AAAAAAAACjM/lmHHFxFDpoY7mGd4xkwxLLo4CXZElSASgCEwYBhgL/s320/20181217_110202.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today, I’m feeling like what happens when Frankenstein teams up
with Monty Hall in the funhouse mirror.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Somewhere in here, I'm behind one of those doors.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-17734173454632585862018-12-09T10:01:00.001-05:002018-12-22T04:09:13.519-05:00DAY 052 -- "The Usual Posted Warnings"<br />
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<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> I don't know which is harder: trying to read between the shifting lines of body language or the scathing sounds of spoken language.</o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Today, at my Imfinzi
infusion session, I also met with my oncologist to review the results of my
recent chest CT scan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">His body language told
me: “I’m concerned.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Trouble is, so did his spoken
language: “I’m concerned.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, I pressed him, knowing
that he’d get as specific as he could, which is considerable, given his
expertise. I also knew that he’d stop short of using a crystal ball. I threw
mine away this past year, and this young Doc already has the wisdom to leave seering
to the seers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">He deals in facts.
Numbers. Ratios. Equivalents. Values. Imagery. Diagnostics. Degrees. Like this
one, a before and after comparison (minus the phony Photoshopped brush-ups).
This is my interior, courtesy of the art-science of tomography.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt; text-align: center;"> </span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Yes, there is a virtual
slice of my chest: most recent on the left, three months ago on the right.</span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pR5N6ma7oI4/XA0mc7YtwoI/AAAAAAAACiQ/KAZu9Er1h4MKFvdkyXPFIta5FGf5lH7vwCEwYBhgL/s1600/20181203_101024b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="738" data-original-width="879" height="268" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pR5N6ma7oI4/XA0mc7YtwoI/AAAAAAAACiQ/KAZu9Er1h4MKFvdkyXPFIta5FGf5lH7vwCEwYBhgL/s320/20181203_101024b.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">I’ll leave you to find “it,”
like one of those picture puzzles with subtle differences in the same drawings.
Ah, this one has a </span><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">mustache;</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> this one doesn’t. Find the missing shoe. One of
these things is not like the other (done in your best sing-songy Sesame Street
off-key).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Get the pictures? Get
the errant lymph node. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Yes, good Doc will
sometimes venture into prognostication, but not without first applying the
caveats of possibilities and probabilities. With predictions, there must be a
way out. That’s why crystal balls in my life are now junk novelties.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Not the best news today,
so next up? Another PET scan and EBUS/Biopsy to dammit see which new pronouns
and adverbs will be coming<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>into play.
Good thing I love the language: wordy or worn.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"></span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tAavNMBVsmQ/XA0ml0C27wI/AAAAAAAACiQ/gohw9INj2bghT0q0UVWOfhsnw4K6SXQXACEwYBhgL/s1600/20181203_102711.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tAavNMBVsmQ/XA0ml0C27wI/AAAAAAAACiQ/gohw9INj2bghT0q0UVWOfhsnw4K6SXQXACEwYBhgL/s320/20181203_102711.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<o:p></o:p><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Another dark door to go
through, with the usual posted warnings.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">More as we go, El <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7755790039253860950.post-84093489024340332142018-11-30T19:21:00.000-05:002018-12-22T04:08:49.034-05:00DAY 051 -- "The Earth Moved Its Moon To Mars"<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Yes, we’re way off
chronology here, but let’s forget about the numbers and sequence. Today is the
fifty-first day of my recorded reportage. That’s all we need to know.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The more I travel along
with cancer and treatment, the less important it is to have all my ducks in an ordered row (see Day Forty-Seven). Now, if they want to swim in crazy semi-circles out of sync,
have at it. And, if they want, they can let in some geese for comic relief.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2KmrvrbaURs/XARjekLOg5I/AAAAAAAACho/eq2dvjbPVkIjn1WrUNey2A7gJUk6ZjSYQCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_2700bc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="732" data-original-width="548" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2KmrvrbaURs/XARjekLOg5I/AAAAAAAACho/eq2dvjbPVkIjn1WrUNey2A7gJUk6ZjSYQCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_2700bc.jpg" width="239" /></a><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Ever recklessly
optimistic, Diane and I also bought an elliptical machine on the oncologist’s advice: “low-impact,
good upper and lower body, easy to pace, moderate.” He was right. Plus, I’ve
come to be a friend of my body marking time and my mind moving with or without
me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’m also playing more
piano, returning to my muscle memories of old, sight-reading, even being bold
enough to post a few videos. If the world conspires against it, I’m relaxing,
having fun and abusing my rank amateur status.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today, a return for a
follow-up CT scan of my tumor. Today, we see if it’s better, worse or
unchanged. Since the end of Rad Chemo, it’s been immunotherapy every other week.
Six down, twenty to go.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Immunotherapy. All the
logistics of chemotherapy without the balding, barfing and bruising. Yes, there’s
a new and always evolving side effect list now, but with more annoyances than
toxic disruptions.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Still comes the daily fatigue,
sometimes predictably, giving me enough warning to prep for it: pull off the
road, pull up a couch, stop a boring conversation. Other times, it’s just upon
me: one minute ta-da!, the next a suddenly-sedated Gumby.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I’ve learned to
effectively deal with it without hurting myself or anyone else. Then, there’s
that list:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">Shortness of breath</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">R-sided abdominal pain</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">Irritability</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">Ankles, feet and hands
swelling</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">Rash/itch/blistering</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">Twitchy lower limbs</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">Fingers cramping/locking
up</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; text-indent: -0.25in;">Fuzzy hamburger slippers
(sorry, just checking to see if we’re all still sitting up straight in class)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BxArosJfpAE/XAHOEAlo63I/AAAAAAAAChU/G4r-RJ1RHqQWGhriFDXoMT_KiuRm8TTvwCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_2680.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BxArosJfpAE/XAHOEAlo63I/AAAAAAAAChU/G4r-RJ1RHqQWGhriFDXoMT_KiuRm8TTvwCLcBGAs/s200/IMG_2680.JPG" width="150" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I haven’t spoken to my
docs about the above, but I will at my next treatment … along with today’s scan
results.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today, arriving home
after the scan, I’m okay with this. I and my ducks and geese have learned how
to wait.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Maybe the doc hasn’t
called me because the results are inconclusive.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Maybe they’re awful.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Maybe he hasn’t reviewed
them yet.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Maybe the earth moved
its moon to Mars.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">You’ll know when I know.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gy0H9-A4B8U/XAHORsCubRI/AAAAAAAAChY/guGx-Sdl6803MJHJAbsH01s2YL-huwE_QCLcBGAs/s1600/20181130_140847.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gy0H9-A4B8U/XAHORsCubRI/AAAAAAAAChY/guGx-Sdl6803MJHJAbsH01s2YL-huwE_QCLcBGAs/s320/20181130_140847.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Oh, and one added
attraction tonight: Creamy Vanilla Smoothie Readi-CAT 2 Barium Sulfate Oral
Suspension contrast medium makes you (me) shit like a shark.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">More as we go, El</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br />B. Elwin Shermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00749512176676942464noreply@blogger.com0